My post is late this week as I’ve rewritten it several times, never being fully satisfied with the results. Too many words were my own, trying to convince people of a strong conviction I hold. While the conviction is absolutely biblical, my motives were wrong. I was trying to prove myself. You see, I can be a bit like a peacock… and maybe a blowfish. When I sense pride and bragging in others, I instantly spread my feathers to show off. Likewise, when I sense any attack against my decision making, I puff up to return the threat. This may sound a bit ridiculous (and it is, really), but it’s the ugly truth. When I boil it down, it’s a battle between fear of man and fear of God that is being waged within me. I am more concerned with others’ opinions of me than I am with God’s in those moments and am trying to show I am just as good as the person with which I am communicating. But there’s also a trust issue at work. Do I quietly hold tight to the way God has laid out for me despite others’ advice or questioning of it?
So I stopped for a bit and asked that God replace my thoughts and words with His. I prayed that He would continually draw me back to His feet to be used how He pleases. What I got back was the sweetest image: I was kneeling at God’s feet when He gently bent over and raised me to His lap. He lifted me up and held me close when I laid myself low. The times I am elevated in God’s eyes (which is all that matters) are never the times that I am trying to show myself worthy or prove I am right. They are the moments when I completely humble myself.
This is so difficult, because we are called to speak of God’s goodness and the ways He is working in our lives, but our motives should only be to elevate Him- not ourselves. My words should reflect His faithfulness in my life, but my heart should always be humble while speaking of these things. People can tell when there is as air of arrogance behind my speech- even if all the words are good.
So there it is. My pride rears it’s ugly head again. For all of my friends and family that sense the pride in me when we interact, please don’t give up on me. I’m a work in progress!
“Then he said to me, ‘Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God, your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words.'” Daniel 10:12
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7