“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
My husband went to the doctor last year for an annual heart check, and discovered some issues that led him (and me) to a pretty significant lifestyle change. Bad habits had caused symptoms that affected his overall functioning, leaving him feeling much less than his best in many areas. So what do you think the doctor did? Prescribe a pill for each symptom for the rest of his life? Well, that would be foolish without addressing the source of the problems first. The symptoms could be alleviated over time by eliminating the bad habits.
The same is true with our figurative hearts. Think about your children for a minute. Do you feel like you’re spinning your wheels when it comes to correcting them? They keep repeating the same bad behaviors no matter how many times you tell them to stop. This can bring me to the absolute end of myself on any particular day. “Stop arguing with your sister.” “Pick up your dirty clothes.” “No whining.” “Do what I tell you the first time I command.” I feel like I’m stuck in a game of Space Invaders, and I’m just shooting at the lasers they’re hurling at me rather than at the actual alien. And I am! There’s an actual source behind all these unpleasant behaviors- the heart. My job as a parent is to recognize the heart issue that is leading to a particular symptom. For instance, arguing with siblings comes from putting themselves first. Well, actually I believe just about every sin boils down to that.
So how do we handle the heart? Thankfully, that’s God’s job. Our role is simply to explain the mistake and how it may hurt them and others, then lead them to confess their wrong, and model a prayer of repentance. Our words may not have a lasting impact, but God’s Word always does. Therefore, it’s crucial we use scripture to train them.
WARNING:
1. This is hard! It goes against everything that feels natural to us. When I’m getting ready to walk out the door or I’m elbow deep in dirty dishes, it seems much easier to bark out an order. Stopping to discuss the underlying issue, looking up a scripture, waiting for confession, and praying all take up precious time. The beautiful thing is that this time is always beneficial. You will get the most return from that bit of invested time than from most other activities in your day.
2. You must be growing in your relationship with the Lord each day so that you will be able to correctly use God’s Word in training your children and will be able to sense the Spirit’s guidance. You will also need the wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job! Maybe I’m exaggerating…a little.
3. You must let your children see you confess and repent. Tell them you were wrong when they saw you lose your temper or when you’ve been complaining around them. Confess and ask their forgiveness when you say something hurtful to them, whether intentional or not.
I am no expert at this, and please don’t ask my children. But when I’ve done these things, the outcome is sweet. I can remember times over the years when I would bark at a bad behavior from one of my children for weeks before finally brining them before their Heavenly Father. The heart shift I saw following our discussion and prayer still brings grateful tears to my eyes. Those were sweet moments of bonding and healing that I wouldn’t trade for clean dishes or being somewhere on time. I still have a tendency to want to avoid conflict with my children, though, and will let a bad attitude from them ride for days. I always fear that they will get frustrated with me and not want to open up to me if I address it. But the amazing thing is that when I face it head on (but with a gentle spirit and prayer), they always soften toward me, and our relationship grows. Avoiding problems and letting sin grow separates loved ones.
This parenting job is not for sissies or quitters. We will be training them until… well, I don’t know. I haven’t gotten that far yet. But I know I’m still sinning, so I’m guessing it will be a while. It’s also not for those who just want to have a good time. Ignoring heart issues will lead to ruin and regret. But for those moms who are determined to bring their children to the feet of Jesus each day, the blessings are abundant and immeasurable!
Father, thank You for our precious children and the joy they bring us. When they sin, give us the wisdom to see it and know how to respond. Make us gentle and patient with them, as we remember our own sin. Show us how to aim for the heart in our correction and not at the symptoms. Lord, thank You for Your promise to lead us as we lead our young. May we be accurate examples of You. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11