“But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Philippians 2:17
“But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near.” 2 Timothy 4:5-6
Think about the phrase “poured out” for a minute. That can call to mind lovely things- possibly pouring out a glass of sweet tea while rocking on your front porch in the springtime. Even the image of Jesus pouring Himself out for us is lovely on our ends. His pouring out of love for us saved us then and is still saving today. I am tempted to thank the Lord for His gift again this Easter, teach my kids about His death and resurrection, go to church, sing some songs, and move on.
But then there was the Lord’s Supper this Sunday. As I sat staring at my grape juice, the image of Him pouring out everything for me was too much. He not only was tortured and beaten, eventually leading to his death, but His entire life on earth was a battle. He was constantly attacked, accused, belittled, and stalked. People fought so hard against Him, all the while claiming to be followers of God. They didn’t want to follow His way, simply because they wanted to live life their way.
I have been telling God these past couple months to use me to spread His message- wherever, whenever, however. It seems like the more I pray, the more hardships keep popping up like daisies. Each day there is SOMETHING. The most taxing have been health and relationship related. I am now keenly aware of the areas in which I have a hard time trusting God. Can I leave the worry of a possibly scary diagnosis until I receive results, knowing that any result will be for my good? Can I allow myself to be put down by someone or talked about and remain silent, knowing that I destroy my witness by retaliating? Each day my prayer takes on a more helpless tone and has been audible quite a few times lately. And as everything ramps up, I sense God saying, “Are you willing to be poured out, Rachel? What if I require your reputation? What if I require your health? Your time? Your finances?”
Before the Lord’s Supper, we sang a song about God being worthy. As I drank the juice, my thoughts were, “Yes, Lord! You ARE worthy! You are worthy of any hardship, worthy of considering others better than myself, worthy of pouring out my sense of self-worth, worthy of my health, my very life. You held NOTHING back for me, and I am not worthy. Help me not to hold anything from You.”
Jesus isn’t like me. (Shock, I know). He didn’t get really angry with me and wait for me to apologize and then decide to die when I finally realized my error. He died for me when I was still in my most arrogant, most offensive, most ignorant state. And then after He died his undeserving death for me, and I still continued in my sin, completely ignoring His sacrifice, He gently began wooing me and trying to show me why He did what He did. He has been patiently allowing me to turn from my sin one by one. That thought is absolutely heart breaking to me! How can I continue to trample on the only One who’s died saving my life… for something that was my fault? How can I think that my life is so important that I can’t give it up for others to come to know Him? The bottom line is I have two choices: 1. I can go on choosing my easy way of living for these few years I have here, or 2. I can choose to be obedient to Christ and be poured out that others may have a chance at eternity with Him.
Lord, help my unbelief, my arrogance, my ignorance, my self-love. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:24). Help me to pour out myself for Your purposes and not hold anything back. May I more fully understand Your love and sacrifice. Empty me of myself and fill me up with You that when I am poured out, others may taste of Your goodness. In Jesus’ precious name I pray, Amen.
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8